Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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