Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
