All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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