And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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