just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
