My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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