I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
