My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
