either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
