Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
