is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
