...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
