nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
