you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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