Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
