So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize