i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
