Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
