So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i love accidental penises.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
