Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
