I molested 6 butterflies tonight
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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