I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I supernannyed him into submission
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
