It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
