I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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