I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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