i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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