i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
