clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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