dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
