why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
