me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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