I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
