Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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