Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
