The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
