Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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