What tipped you off? The sombrero?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
