Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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