The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
