normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
