i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
