Got a toothbrush?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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