I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
