Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
