If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
The best revenge is premature balding
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
