I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
