This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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