I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Let's get the cat blown out
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
