My first STD was from a foam party
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize