I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
