Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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