Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
