Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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