if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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