Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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