You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
