He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
