As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
