Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Randomize
