I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
