I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
