imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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