A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
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