No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
