Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
