Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb