Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Girls should come with a carfax report
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.