he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.