So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.