dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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