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I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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