I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.