your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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