I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
