Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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