Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
