So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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