so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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