You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
