she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
