you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
