I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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