Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Couch. On fire.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
