Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
