woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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