he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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