So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
