the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
