"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
