Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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