Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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